6 Things You Must Do When Dating An ADD (ADHD) Woman

by TJ

flickr user epSos.de (Couple has no relation to this article)

flickr user epSos.de (Couple has no relation to this article)

If you are or considering dating a woman with ADD (ADHD), these 6 things are important for you to understand. Not knowing this could ruin your relationship. In the past, I've been contacted by ADD women that were having a hard time because their man just didn't understand them.


Their man had a hard time dealing with them and often times said hurtful things out of anger and frustration. Knowing these 6 things ahead of time should help in your decision of dating a woman with ADD (ADHD).

Sam Farmer shares about herself and the things men need to know about women with ADD.


I am a part of the 4-6 percent of the US population who has attention deficit disorder.

Being plagued with distractions is something I have accepted. At any given moment, my mind goes in a multitude of directions.

I am perpetually bored, incapable of sitting still and utterly afraid in every sense of the word.


As a woman with ADD, she knows how difficult it is to focus, pay attention and have a relationship. As a man with ADHD, I also know the struggle. I deal with the same issues.

While people tend to focus on the negative things, she points out that they are also "more fun than you can possibly imagine". Keep in mind, ADD men and women are introverts and extroverts. So this will factor what the person likes and doesn't like. Not all ADHD women will be exactly the same, keep that in mind as well.

1. Don't be easily offended, she needs stimulation



You need to accept that your girlfriend will regularly appear distracted.


Your date may be distracted, change subjects quickly and at random, or seem disinterested in what you have to say. This is the nature of the symptoms she deals with.

Moreover, when you tell her about your day and she flips open her laptop to see what’s trending on the Internet, it doesn’t mean she is disinterested in what you have to say.

When your girlfriend fails to give you the undivided attention you crave, keep in mind she probably can’t help it.


It takes someone special and strong to accept this and role with it. If you can't do that, it is probably best that you move on.

2. Be spontaneous



Change is inevitable, and in a relationship with someone who has ADD, change will be frequent.

People who resolve to follow strict schedules and meticulously concocted life plans will struggle with this aspect of the relationship the most.


If the woman you are dating is an introvert, she may get all excited about plans to go out and then break down and refuse to leave the house. While this may be a trait of an introvert in general, it may be 100 times worse as an impulsive ADD woman.

You can either get distressed about the fact you made dinner reservations weeks in advance or you can go with the flow, buy a cheeseboard, a bottle of scotch and race over for an impromptu evening of recreation with friends.


3. Accept the messiness and don't judge



This one is hard to accept but its a fact. We are messy. I remember as a child, my room was always a mess. It was hard to clean, so I didn't. It is difficult to organize. Some judge us on this and like to call us names.

Sam shares a comical story about this while at the same time, its frustrating.

In college, my best friend and I had a something we referred to as “closet mountain.”

What was closet mountain? Essentially, it was a pile of clothes, which ranged in cleanliness and had accumulated throughout many sessions of getting ready. Numerous women with ADD have their own pile of clothes, from the endless crusade of getting dressed.

Numerous women with ADD have their own pile of clothes, from the endless crusade of getting dressed.


I'm sure that my wife is ADD. She isn't hyperactive but this describes her exactly. It is quite challenging that we both are ADD/ADHD but we survive.

Sam's advice in this area?

Adopting the patience she lacks will benefit your relationship tremendously.


Another thing to seriously consider. If you can't handle the mess, the ability to lose anything, and the lack of organization, it is best to move on. You wont be able to change her and I wouldn't try. It would make for a miserable relationship that will end badly in the future.

4. Stimulate the 5 senses



Now that you know she can bore easily, do things to stimulate all the senses. If your date is a gamer, play games. Maybe she enjoys movies, go see a movie. If outdoor/indoor events like concerts, festivals, fairs, or carnival type events are more her thing, then find fun things to do.


5. Be ready for the love roller coaster



Loving someone with ADD is like getting stuck on a roller coaster. It’s nauseating, rare and wonderful. Likewise, the experience makes up for the potentially gut-wrenching effects.


6. Be understanding and caring



On the surface, women with ADD may be percolating with confidence; however, in reality, we are often engaged in concealed internal battles.

Attention Deficit Disorder is a very real and agonizing condition.

Sufferers may feel as if they are victims of their own minds and trapped in a persistent state of incapacitation.

Understanding this side of a person with ADD is critical for emotional growth in a relationship.

Being a source of comfort is one of the most romantic things you can do for her.


What do you think about this? Are you a guy that dated an ADD/ADHD woman? Are you a woman with ADD/ADHD? Share your thoughts and experience below.

Sam Farmer on elitedaily.com.

flickr.com user epSos.de image

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