Son with ADHD disabiltiy

by Bernie
(Boston)

My son was diagnosed with ADHD, the summer before 1st grade. When he went back to school in September, I explained to his teacher, that he may have trouble with his acedemics, consentration and behavior because he has ADHD. I also went on to explain to the teacher that I was working with my sons doctor to find what will be the best way to help my son with this diagnosis. (Keep in mind I had no real prior knowledge about the details of ADHD and I am still learning) The teacher soon began sending notices home about my son's behavior, low acedemics and lack of concentration. I did not know how to respond to these notices because I had already explained my son's diagnosis to the teacher and was "waiting it out", not putting my son imediatly on medication as his docter had recomened.


The doctor wanted to see if there would be any improvement in my son's "symptoms" over time. Unfortunatly, my son's "symptems", according to the school have only become worse to the point were I feel pressured into putting him on medication, though I am not sure how I feel about this. The school has not addressed my son's ADHD as a disibility what so ever and they have actually suspended him twice for bad behavior.

They have also informed me that my son is doing so bad acedemicaly, that they will most likely not pass him on to the second grade. I am furious with this school! On top of all thiS, I suspect my son may have dislexia because he writes his letters and numbers backwards. I spoke with his doctor about this and she said "he is still young to determin if he is dislexic or not but we will keep an eye on it."

The teacher, to top it off, has placed my son's desk away from the rest of the students, next to her desk in the front of the room, facing the wall, while all the other children sit in groups of four. I have finally learned, through a coworker, about something called an Individual Education Plan (IEP), which the school knew about the entire time and never told me could be an option for my son. Here we are in March and I had to find out about this all on my own with my son at risk of not passing to grade 2.

If the school knew about this, why would they not have brought it up to me at the beginning of the school year when they noticed my son's grades slipping and everything else. I am now waitling to have an evaluation done on my son to determine if he has a "learning disability" other than having the ADHD. I guess they do not really consider ADHD a learning disability or he would not need this evaluation done before deciding if he is eligible for the IEP.

Either way, I am getting a lawyer because I feel this principal and teacher have violated my sons rights and that they are the cause for his staying back if they do go through with this. Infact, I am so angry with this school that I would like to see then halled into court for what they have done to my son's education, learning and even self esteem. If anyone has any good advice or similar situation, please respond.

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Oct 14, 2015
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by: Anonymous

Glad to hear things are getting better fit ally for you and your son. I personally don't beleven that medication is bull . I personally need medication my self, I am a woman and my sister who was also diagnosed with Adhd. It dosen't discriminate, I would still encourage you to read some of the literature from Dr.Amen.

Oct 11, 2015
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Update and advise Four years later
by: Anonymous

I have read all of your posts and would like to update you on the hell that worsened and worsened over the years, until I was so fed up I began to fight back, I mean with a fury. First of all what I did was switch my sons school multiple times to avoid the "staying back" and the system trying to force me to medicate my son. I figured out that each time I would switch my sons school, the school would wait one month before mentioning behavior. Then they would slowley ease into the behavior and medication talks. I would nodd my head and act like I agreed with them. I would lie and say, "yes, yes, I am working with my sons DR to place him on meds" Really I had no intention of this and never punished my son for the schools bull crap lies. Anyway, in 2013, I hit a brick wall. My son entered a school system in Chelsea, MA. As usual the first month went fine. Then the phone calls started. This is when everything turned into a literal nightmare. Again, I requested the school evaluate my son for an IEP. This time I found a pro bono lawyer, Mike Walsh, Boston MA. I had also contacted multiple disability advocate agencys. The school didnt like this at all. They began suspending my son for asaulting staff, which of course he would never do. This public school even had a fkn room were they would place students with "behavioral issues" They would restrain my son and physically put there hands on him and even carry him to this room. A PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! They would then make him stay in this room with one or more staff. Sometimes for half a school day. They did not inform me about any of it and my son was too afraid to tell me because he thought I would be angry with him and believe the staff with their lies. There was no learning in this room, no books, no desk, no chair, no other students and they would make him sit silently on the floor with his legs crossed. This treatment went on for 6 weeks until one day I saw two thumb print bruises on my sons wrists and I asked him what happend. Thats when it all unravelled. My son told me that the vice principle (a body builder looking man)had forcibly grabbed my son, yanked him by the arms, criss crossed them tightly and with force behind his back. With such force that my son received bruises on his wrists. My son explained that ir really hurt and that he felt like crying but didnt want the teacher and vice principal to see him cry. They then force carried him to this LOCKED room against his will. All because he did not stay silent during "silent lunch". I became so furious and enraged that I called an emmediate meeting with the school. I told the school my son was not safe there and that I would be in attendance with him every day. I requested all student records and couldnt beleive what I read in there. There was one time when my son was so scared of the staff that he ran into the bathroom stall to hide. The staff ordered a maintenance man to unhinge the entire door off the stall. As soon as this happened they grabbed my son by each arm causing him to fall to the bathroom floor then came again the vice principal to carry him off to the locked room. And I was never told about ANY of this. There is so so so much more that I dont have room to write here but I never did force my son to take meds. Instead God was good. The hospital and my self filed a 51A with DCF against the school so the school got scared. Although in the end DCF did absolutely nothing about it. I had even gone to the police department to press charges but was threatened that if I did that they would also have to press charges against my 9 yr old son. Anyway, my son is now turning 12 in January, this night mare has been behind us for 1 1/2 years. The school was so scared, they gave my son the IEP which included them paying for my son to go to the private school of my choice with door to door transportation. My son has been receiving all A's and B's ever since and has never been suspended again and has never had to be medicated. That whole medication thing is bull. and has any one on here noticed that we all have boys, why is that?

Oct 08, 2015
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In same situation
by: Anonymous

My son is 6 and in first grade and recently been diagnosed. I am dealing with the same thing at my sons school. I actually got into a heated conversation with the principal. He's constantly getting into trouble. My sons desk is singled out as well. He has triggers that can make his behavior get really bad . And I explained this to his teacher. She's constantly telling me about his behavior and I'm constantly stating he is diagnosed with ADHD and behavior issues. Everyday. Same thing. And im working on getting the right medication for him.He is on his second suspension. He is suspended for 3 days. I do not agree with this. He already has trouble finishing his work and learning. He's behind in everything. I have been leaving messaged with the districts office with the special ed department. I'm getting tired of this. He's constantly being sent up to the office for some ridiculous things. I feel they are just looking for a excuse to send him up. I will do whatever I have to to make sure he doesn't get far behind in school and be able to be in a class setting. They are setting him up for failure. If I have to I will sue.

May 28, 2015
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Please for the love of God, do not give up on finding the right help for your children.
by: Daisy

Speaking from someone who went through all of the segregation, over parenting and no extra help for my ADHD. Now going on 22 with one child who is suffering and another on the way.

I had no one to advocate for me or help me with this. I was labeled instead of helped. If finding a medication plan is what your child needs to be successful .. THEN DO IT. Once your child gets older they will either deny they have any issues to deal with, or be struggling to get the help they need.

ADHD can ruin finances, relationships, careers etc.
I still have trouble following through , finishing things , staying out of conflict etc. Ot is hard and devestating on my parenting and marriage.

22 years is to long without help. I'm going in for diognoses afterglow second is born. Whatever it takes to get on track for myself and my family I will do. Even if it takes medication.

ALSO a lot of patients aren't getting proper diognoses because there are SEVEN*** types of ADHD. If you don't know your exact type you can be treated purely.

DR.AMEN. Has amazing books and resources to help along the way. I highly recommend everyone to read some of his books and go see him if they have the funds.

Change your brain, change your life - Dr.Daniel Amen
Fight for your children. Don't give up !!!!

Not to mention as a child and teen I got into a lot of bad things , due to impulsivity and seeking stimulation. Addicted to porn, master bating , sex in general. I ended up loosing my virginity @ 15 to a 29 year old. Luckily because of my Faith in God, I have done my best to change these things. Addicted to abusive friendships and relationships. 3 Abortions in the span of 3 years.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!

Please treat your kids in which ever way you can, you can help them change there future.


I am now married with children , but still struggling. The last thing I want is to loose my family.

MENTAL HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT, it controls many of the outcomes we have in life.

Mar 12, 2014
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son with ADHD
by: Lisa

Hello Marsha I just had a chance to read your story about your child, what the school system is doing sounds just like they did to my child, he supposedly was in a IEP setting which is a small group setting for students who need more individualized attention so they can get more one on one attention to help them in their academics, along with having the understanding and awareness that by this smaller group setting teachers are to understand that if a child gets disruptive or anxious in class this is why this group meets his needs. I had to take my child off the medication because it was causing to many side effects effects on him physically, so they decided to send him to alternative schooling because they would of rather had him on this medication to suite their needs. A lot of these ADHD meds can actually cause more anxiety in a child also, what the school system is doing to your child is absolutely wrong, I have been dealing with this many years, please seek counsel if you can, they are only contributing to what might be his problem, not helping him by the way of punishment they are exposing him to.So many children these days are on unnecessary drugs, I see children walking around like zombies, that's how some school system like it because they are not professional enough, nor have the skills to teach children with learning disabilities, or ADHD. Every child's case is different and so is the school system, although the same laws apply by the state, nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors, I've seen it all. I wish you and your child the best and hope you don't struggle like we had to (are). Think of what is best for your child, in everyday, I don't know exactly where your child lies but think of what you see at home, when he is in public, don't let them be the judge of your decisions always, unless you completely feel comfortable with it. This is your child's health and future, they sound alot like the school my son attended..

Feb 07, 2014
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Disruptive Behaviour at School
by: Marsha

Hi Lisa,
I'm in the same situation right now. Can you give me some advise on this?
Thanks.

Jan 14, 2014
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ADHD AWARNESS.COM
by: Lisa

Hello Bernie it's me Lisa, I commented on this site back in 2012 about my child with ADHD and ODD and I explained my legal battles that I was having to help provide extra care for my son. Well I lost all rights to the appeal without them even looking at further evidence, if my layer at the time was even submitting it I now wonder because the case has and still is so strong. Back in August I was told to start over, I got a new lawyer, the ssi psychiatric doctor had even commented that he could not believe I lost the first case after evaluating my child and said he would because he understands my child needs care. Not even 30 days later I received a letter of denial. My child id always sent home because of his disruptive behavior, I had argued with the school system that this act was illegal, but they insist that they will make it an out of school suspension. He is supposed to be receiving IEP care but they complain that they do not have the time to fit these needs(then why do they promise these services) It's so hard on him alone too because his medication and or the lead poisoning has caused growth deficiency he is 10 but has the height of a 7 year old. I feel this is going to be another process that will be a waste of years, another appeal in August! But it takes less than 30 days to say no. I have more than enough evidence, and it keeps coming in, my child suffers from a couple disablements, Why won't nobody help us?

Feb 24, 2013
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my son with a disability
by: lisa

I have been awaiting 4 years to see if my child can recieve benefits for adhd.it has been a very long process now, I have 4 years full of paper work from dr's and teachers, my son has been held back a grade and may so again this year.he's been on every adhd med in book,none have really seemed to help.he goes to the dr. on a regular basis,and recieves public social serices who also diagnoised him with ODD.I constantly get letters from the teacher on his extreme intense disorder and also makes it hard for other students to focus.I have to drive 45 minutes to his social therepy,and then 20 minutes to his medical dr.as I am disabled as well.my child is only getting worse,I cannot take him to resturants, bus/train rides do to impusiveness.I have a lawyer why am I not getting any help.my child has not ever had any friends because of this,times I wonder if it's a worse disorder,when he was younger he was exposed to lead poisoning from the home we lived in? NOBODY CARES, times I have to call my lawyer and ask if we still have a case! all I ever hear is oh yah just waiting on our appeal date, is he a bad lawyer? what do I do? I have more than enough proof and then some,other people I know get benefits for their child and they are not even 1/4 as needy as my child.he is in special ed, I have Iep records, dr. records, 4 years worth,teachers,ext. any advice? please...

Jan 31, 2012
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om-gosh!
by: Annoe

I can sOoO relate!!! Not only was my son diagnosed with severe ADHD AT AGE 4 but it was so bad his Dr suggested meds right away. THREE YEARS of the battle in my head against the dangerous potential side effects and the roller coaster of trying different meds And the meds to relieve the side effects left me EXHAUSTEDto say the least! His ADHD was so severe and destructive he could COMPLETELY demolish my house in a matter of MINUTES! The constant attention he required took away from my ability to give my other two children the love and attention THEY needed as well....I found myself OVERWHELMED WITH GUILT because because of constant efforts of discipline coupled with feelings of hatred towards my own son! Thank God we had an AWESOME pediatrician who not only understood but questioned me about the effects that had on our relationship in such a way that I felt safe to be honest. Nevertheless, my son failed kindergarten all the while the teachers telling me he was doing great! I knew otherwise and even suggested holding him back but we agreed he needed to move forward only because he needed to be in school every day. 1 st grade this year so far, he STILL doesn't even have a full basic understanding of the alphabet. With math, he shrinks in his seat I've been told and just waits for individual step by step instruction. Again I suggested repeating the grade he's in now next year and again....no one wants to even discuss the idea. They took him OUT of his Intervention Reading program for the lack of progress they thought he should have gained....how much sence does THAT MAKE!? he had a FULL diagnostic done on possible learning disabilities, results which ranged from none to inconclusive, to eye hand coordination difficulties, possible color distinction issues and failed a vision screening....But no I.L.P. (Individualized learning plan) was never even offered. My daughters A.D.D struggle has been even worse and i myself have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and A.D.D. you're not alone!

Jun 27, 2011
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My son too had this problem -Applying for Disability
by: Anonymous

Hi, it breaks my heart to hear about your son. My son also went through the exact same issues as your son starting all the way from preschool. He's 10 yrs old now and after trying to work w/the school system, changing teachers, and an IEP plan, IQ testing, speech therapy, trying the gluten/casin free diet as well as Fiengold Diet, vitamin supplements, EVERYTHING nothing worked 100%. I've now been homeschooling my son for 1 year about to start the 2nd. The first 3 months of homeschooling were just focused on playing because my son's love of learning and self esteem were so badly broken that he was unable to do anything. He spoke of hating himself and not having any friends. An 8 year old! It broke my heart! Through the first 3 years of school we saw 2 different doctors and 2 different counselors. Neither doctor ever mentioned there was a possibility to get disability for my son. When I finally found out about the chance of him being qualified, I went to his psychiatrist and she immediately said NO! She didn't even discuss it with me, never explaining why. I'm not sure if she "believes" we need the help or if she thinks my son truly has ADHD as a disability. If it wasn't a disability why then has she been seeing my son for ADHD for 2.5 years. She's medicated him, seen us struggle through working with the school system and now his success with homeschooling. I don't understand why that was, so I sought out an attorney to help me apply - the first step was to get the Dr.s notes or recommendations, of course it didn't go through because my son's Dr. doesn't think he should apply. I've had to quit my full time job to stay home and teach my son. We are now a 1 income family and struggle to make ends meet. Next month I go to court against my ex-husband to possibly have our child support adjusted just so I can continue to homeschool. School supplies, field trips, extra-curriculars, social groups all cost money. What I don't understand is why his Dr. is willing to help me with my child support case by writing a letter at how successful homeschooling has been for my son so that I can show that in court but she's unwilling to help him apply for disability. Can anyone offer another insight?

May 19, 2011
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Re: Please help with advice - response from Catya
by: Anonymous

Hi I'm sorry you're also experiencing these problems at your son's school. As I wrote below, the public school system treated my ADHD son very badly throughout his schooling while growing up. Hopefully some of the information I posted below for Bernie will be helpful to you and your son.


May 18, 2011
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Please help with advice
by: Anonymous

Thank you for postin ur problem cause I seem to be having the same problem with my son who also has adhd and his school acted to same way. On top of it all I went to school unannounced to find my son at his desk with no chair. when I asked his teacher where his chair was she said he didnt have one cause he couldnt sit still. I was furious. the next day I went to the school to talk to the principal for her to give me bs that I told her until she puts my son in another classroom he will not attend school. And so he stood home for about 4 days. my moral is they knoew he was falling, they knew everything that was goin on & yet they did nothing. I asked for Iep test and they said they dont give that in that school. I think I will have to get a lawyer. I have giving this school my sons medical condition all his dr note of which dr we see and so & still we received no help. And now they are tellin me my son wont go to 2nd grade. I'm beyond furious & not sure whats my next step.

May 13, 2011
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response to your reply - Catya
by: Anonymous

Hi Bernie,

Thanks for your kind response, and I'll be glad to share any information about my son's previous IEP and school experiences that might be helpful. I hope my previous comments helped and didn't come across as too negative. You know how it is...I wish I knew then what I know now. I just hope you can find a good support group. There are some good ADD/ADHD groups you can join, and they also provide some information on the legal stuff. You've probably heard of groups like CHADD http://www.chadd.org/
This site we're on seems very helpful, as well as other ADD/ADHD sites like Born to Explore http://borntoexplore.org/
I tend to agree with some of the ideas there and believe most of society tries to control and tame highly creative types (see the book *The Edison Trait: Saving the Spirit of Your Free-Thinking Child in a Conforming World* by Lucy Jo Palladin).

If you go to the IEP meeting well-prepared, it will show them you are a force to be reckoned with. You can also read about the IEP at http://www2.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/
iepguide/index.html

I say don't allow "them" to plan out the IEP. You have a say-so and can help plan it out--and you can tell them you DON?T want your child sitting away from other children. There are better alternatives, such as time-outs, which can be calming for children who feel over-stimulated. They cannot dictate what goes into the plan. You have to approve of it too. The school can only make recommendations. Please see specific information for parents at http://www2.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/
iepguide/index.html#disagree

Lastly, I?m sure you probably already have it, but here?s the ADA site (Americans with Disabilities Act) http://www.ada.gov/

Good luck and I will keep you both in my prayers.

C

May 11, 2011
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Public School System
by: Bernie

Thank you for you advise and I am sorry about all you went through. My son's IEP is this upcomming Monday May 16th. I have no idea what to expect, since I have never dealt with this before but we shall see. And I agree with you about the public school system and how they can damper a childs spirit. My son has been being pin pointed as a bad kid and has to sit separate from the rest of the class. He has begun to feel that he is different from his classmates and not a good boy when in reality he has a disability that simply needs to be addressed and handled in the appropriate manner. This school is awefull, next year he will be attending a different school but then again it's all the same system so who knows.

May 11, 2011
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Yes-lawyer up
by: Anonymous

My own experiences with my son's schools led me to believe I should have NEVER told them he had ADHD. They treated him worse; they discriminated against him, blamed him when he was bullied and beaten...I could go on and on. And he had an IEP...it only made things worse. They even told me my son couldn't come to school unless he was medicated.

We've all got to remember that the public education system in America is very broken these days for one thing. I was very innocent about all and a young widow...but learned so quickly how cruel people can really be, especially to those of us with ADHD. It's sad and pathetic. So, I totally feel you, and I say YES!--get an attorney immediately. Fight for all your might--because "they" will likely be unfair to you and your son, and it sounds like they have already been unfair (and maybe have broken some laws).

The only school my son ever really excelled in during his childhood was a private school. Looking back on it, I think I should've sold my car, taken a second job or whatever it took just so I could've kept paying the high private school tuition. I'd do anything to turn back the clock now so that he could've continued on there and graduated from the private school. His life would've been completely different--I'm sure.

The public school system was the WORST thing to have ever happened to my son. I was a fool for ever believing that it'd be okay to send him to a public school. I figured if the neighborhood was nice, so was the school--WRONG! I kick myself every day for buying into that institution. He's in college now, but you can't imagine the road we had to travel to get him to this point. And so much damage was done. I'm a little bitter--can you tell? :-)

So, if I can encourage you or anyone else and help parents and children avoid what we went through, maybe our suffering (mostly my son) will have been worth it. By the way, my son almost died several times before he was 18 years old. I cried a river of tears and am so glad he's alive now. I so thank God. I'm not blaming the school systems for almost losing my son so many times, but they sure didn't do ANYTHING to support him or to help him with his disability. They made everything worse and damaged his self-esteem and beautiful spirit beyond repair. He will never be the same happy soul he was when he was a little boy. I believe this lead to my almost losing him so many times.

Just don't look to the public schools for support or help--they really, really suck. That's all I can say, and we lived in different states and my son was involved with 2 or 3 different school regions/districts. I kept thinking it would get better, but it never did--they're all the same. The whole thing made me never want to have another child after my son.

Anyway, good luck and get support from good and knowledgeable groups who can help you and your child with ADD/ADHD issues, etc....and definitely lawyer up.

Apr 15, 2011
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son with ADHD and learning disabilities
by: Deborah Merlin

Have your son tested for heavy metal toxicity. 21% of children who are exhibiting your son's symptoms have lead toxicity. There are many safe and effective ways to remove lead and other heavy metals from the body. Also, do NOT feed him any foods with artificial food coloring.
Also, checkout http://www.victoryoveradhd.com

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