15, adderall for two years, been helping, but what else is wrong?
Been taking adderall for two years. I have ADHD and i can relate directly to the second post on this page,
Adderall is not for everyone, it is only for very few
the exact same shit happens to me. especially when i smoke you can imagine how crazy it is to talk and remember what i was talking about and all the tangents i go off on. i have straight As and im taking honors classes. although last year this was not the case but ive learned to control it.
basically its called Flight of Ideas where all these thoughts come flying into your head and its so hard to stay on track because if i talk about a main story, a tangent will lead off to explain a detail, then another tangent to explain a detail off that tangent, etc and ill forget the main story.
i take a 30 mg XR + 20 mg IR in the morning with a healthy, full breakfast and thats all the adderall i take all day, it helps for school but i dont want to be on this for my entire life.
when im not on it, i dont take notes, i sleep in class, i dont ask questions, i draw without paying attention, homework doesnt get done because pointless things distract me, i talk REALLY fast, and i end up stuttering, it's embarrassing.
i cant make decisions, at the grocery it takes me a good few minutes to choose what frozen meal i want, which frozen yogurt, which bag of chips and ill pick things up and change my mind, and then regret changing my mind once ive bought it, and then realize i forgot something ,etc.
if i dont make lists of things to bring that i dont usually bring, ill forget. i have to write down my homework every day or theres no way id be able to remember it all.
the thing is i never went through any tests, i brought it up to my doctor and he said, 'okay let's try adderall.' the first two weeks i dropped 15 pounds, it felt like i was on speed for the first hour, but after a couple of weeks i went straight to calm and after a couple of months there were no side effects. when i asked my doctor why he didnt run any tests, he said, 'i did. when you first came in two years ago you said you had problems concentrating, you made careless mistakes, you told me you started things but never finished'
im assuming over the two years he noticed but never ran any brain wave tests or shit like that.
it's obviously helping but how can i learn to live without it? i have a guy friend who also took it when he was in high school and is constantly telling me to not take it. people often say the long term side effects of adderall would leave zombie-like effects, can anyone explain? but when this guy friend finally saw me and the way i talk and how my hands never stop moving, he understood why i took it.
i dont take adderall for fun, its a disgusting feeling when it doesnt make me calm and i think idiots that take it for fun are just goddamn stupid.
on fridays after school when i go out, my adderall has worn off and when i smoke, its like Flight of Ideas x100 but i stutter and i cant talk, and its worse than days that i smoke when im not on adderall.
it SUCKS because i dont know if i've just been getting paranoid due to negative social situations or because of adderall. im paranoid in the way that when i hear someone laugh, i think it's about me, or i feel like people are talking about me when i walk by, or because i never stop moving my hands and fidgeting and arranging my appearance i feel like people notice. does this happen to anyone, or is it just b/c im friends with a lot less people than i was last year?
i honestly dont even know what im asking but,
1. zombie-like effects when youre older?
2. how do i learn to talk normally?
3. how do i learn to LEARN and stay awake in class when im not on it?
4. am i paranoid because my group of friends/# of relationships with guys diminished over the past year or because of adderall?
5. am i the only one who never stops fidgeting with my hands or appearance, especially when im on a bus? i move my headphones around, or continuously take things out of my bag, and my fingers never stop moving, esp with music.
- i also have minor symptoms of OCD which could explain the constant fidgeting with appearance.
-except the two minor symptoms are stress induced, i pick off the skin around my fingers and i bite on my gums and cheeks <-- all this only under stress