by Unknown Visitor
I am 16 years of age, a sophmore in highschool and I have always struggled with school not because i'm not intelegent but because concentration is a real struggle for me. It is just hard for me to do really anything that requires me to sit down and work. It is possible for me to do my work but it is my belif that pretty much anyone can still concentrate and get there stuff done, ADHD or not. But I feel as if I have a million things going through my head at a time and when I try to sit and concentrate in school no matter how much I tell my self that I will concentrate I end up day dreaming or getting distracted to some extent. Its like in my head my prorties change constantly for example I make studying my top priority and then randomly I find something to do that at the time seems more important (even though its not), instead of studying. I can function I have no problem socially I have lots of friends im sure that part if my problem is spending to much time with them and partying and stuff. My friends and some of my teachers have brought up that I show signs of ADHD. They seem pretty confident I have the disorder. They can tell by me just saying random things that have nothing to do with the conversation at hand, being fidgety, inability to concentrate, being kind of crazy sometimes, being disrespectful, etc? Another thing is my attention to detail no matter how hard I try is awful and the adults in my life have been telling me to work on it since I was in 5th grade. But no matter how hard I try I just miss things and my attention to detail doesn't really change. It makes me feel unintelligent sometimes even though I know i'm not. Another big thing that has heen difficult is that I have very impulsive tendencies. I can be pretty good in class and not cause my teachers any trouble which is something I try to do but I still have had two discipline detentions and one ISS which is hard to do at my school. I just sometimes randomly do something I shouldn't do(which I understand is pretty normal) for example, some small things likeshouting out answers to things/interrupting the teacher or blowing through my money, etc. I do the small things on a pretty regualr basis and can't really help it. Every once in a while I do things like spraying my teachers rat with water. Which I am well aware that spraying a teacher's rat (especially since I was already on bad terms with this teacher) was such a poor choice but at the time consequences or the fact that it was a poor choice was not going through my mind. I try to stay organised really hard(it works in a way) because I am naturally organised so the things I set out to organise i.e my computer, binders, Google drive etc. But sometimes I feel like everything is in dissary and my brain is super cluttered. I really do try so hard to be timely but some how I struggle with that.(shouldn't be hard) for example, I had a 8A.M shift Sunday morning and I slept right through it or I always tell myself I will wake up early and get to get my morning stuff done and get to school early and I have 5 alarms 2 on my actual alarm clock and 3 set on my phone but I still sleep through all of them no matter the motivation and wake up at 7:20 and have to rush to get ready for school. Im not noramlly late but I always do things last min and and am rarely ever actually ready to go. I'm good at dealing with stress but my future is important to me and my grades are not reflecting that. I know I have the potential get straight A' s but things just don't doesn't connect. One of the biggest things is I misplace everything. I always loose phone chargers, my backpack, wallet, writing utensils, I have lost three graphing calculators! Its just crazy and I really honestly work at it and try and make sure I don't do that but it still happens. I know some of it has to do simply with irresponsibility and lack of self disiplen. On the surface I seem fine, but if I am being honest I am just what you would call frazzled, kind of amess. Which sucks and makes my life and things like school, work, or really just any responsibilities I may have are more much difficult than they should be. I have done a lot of research on ADHD and my symptoms line up almost perfectly. From what I have read, prescribed medicines are extremely helpful for people who have ADHD. I'm sure I could still do okay going the way I was but my grades would probably stay mostly C's, a couple B's, And the every once in a while have a D (which I have a D in chemistry for the semester currently). I believe I am capable and I try but paying attention and really sitting down and concentrating but it just doesn't happen. I feel like with the assistance from medicine I could really get closer to reaching the potential that others aswell as my self see. To be clear, I am not prescribed with ADHD. The reason for that is my dad refuses to go get me tested because he firmly belives that I just have a lack of self disiplen, ADHD is way over prescribed, he doesn't like adarol, "Im just a teen". My dad seems to thinks I can fix all these problems I am haveing my self and it bothers me that he compares me to my younger brother, who is fine and keeps A' s and B's. My dad says things likeI "Your brother is able to do it, you just need to sit down learn how to self disiplen yourself. It's part of being a man."/I I know he isn't 100% wrong. I understand that some my problems are due to me just being immuture, haveing a lack of self disiplen, and being irresponsible. I don't think he understands that I really do try and it to mr feels like more than that. I also am well aware that I should not self presribe or become reliant on medication, especially illigle medication. My mom is willing to take me to the doctor but she can't because I am on my dad's insurance which she does not have access to. Which makes this whole thing more complicated than it should be. I also have a fear that I am totally over thinking all of this (which is something I tend to do) and that I am self prescribing myself which is something that I know is not.smart. But with all the research I have done nothing else makes a whole lot of sense. I think that I am getting closer to going to the doctor about "my" ADHD. My dad has made it seem like there is more of a possiblilty that he might take me in. I'm pretty confident I would get prescribed with ADHD if I ended up going in. If I I end up getting presribed I think I want the 60 or 70mg Vyvance because right now it really feels like it works and from what I read Adderol would be a strong alternitive. From what I know I do not think I would like it better addarol.
What I tried/The choice I made
on Friday November 17th I bought 10, 60mg Vyvance pills from a friend. The Vyvance makes me feel "normal". Which is amazing, I can relax and there isn't 1000 things going through my head at a time. I actually can get my responsiblites done. In turn my grades have heen going up and I just feel more on the ball it is amazing. Like a lot of thoes problems are no longer existent during the duration of the pills effect. But the Vyvance has caused me some problems for example Tuesday I took one around 12:20p.m and then another around 4:30p.m and I got so much done and It was great. But I go so into what I was doing I didn't go to sleep until like 5 A.M which is not enough sleep and I hate that I am looseing weight not having an apitite is so annoying, but I will say its worth it in the end.
I have noticed that I have what seems to be a high tolerance to the Vyvance. It isnt something I built up over time either it just doesn't hit me that hard which is a good thing because 60mg is consitered a high dose. I started takeing two pills and I like that better.
BUEffects of Vyvance on me/U/B
BICauses me to cut weight & Have no appetite/BI am a 5'7 male and I'm not exactly sure how much I weigh as of right now but right before thanksgiving (Thursday Morning) I weighed in at 132lbs. Two or three weeks ago I weighed close to 150lbs but now IIt is probably worth noting that I was sick with Influenza B and Bronchitis from Sunday November 12th through Friday November 17th/I. But still 10, 60 mg pills of Vyvance shouldn't have been enough to cause me to loose close to 20lbs.
B I talk more when on vyvance/B For some reason I talk more but the talking is different. I don't really know how to explain it. My conversations are more productive but I can go on talking for what seems like ever. I wouldn't say I'ts a con or a pro but more of something in the middle.
To summarise I done plenty of research and the symptoms of ADHD and people I know who have been prescribed with ADHD symptoms almost perfectly line up with the symptoms that I feel I have. I was struggling so I thought I would buy some of the pills my friend prescribed with ADHD has and give them a try. So I did just that and bought Vyvance. I know I should not have done that but what I found is that they were extremely helpful and made me feel much better but a downside is 1.) I'm taking a risk I shouldn't and 2.) The loss of appetite/weight loss that occurs. I still think regardless of thoes two reasons it was definitely worth it. My life overall improved by a noticble amount in just the course of two weeks! I want to go see if I can get prescribed so the only downside is weight loss/loss of appetite. Which to me if I just lift and workout is totally worth it.
-Should I tell my doctor about the vyvance?
-After reading what I wrote what is your opinion?
-Do you think vyvance is right for me? If not what are other options?
-Does my tolerance mean anything? Maybe a higher or lower chance of actually having ADHD?
-What should I do about the weight loss?
-Lastly Do you have any other thoughts, suggestions, or anything that you want to say? What are your thoughts?