Did my ADHD come back as an adult?
I do not remember a time that I was not told by my parents that I had ADHD. As early as Kindergarden/first grade I remember how important it was to my parents that I took my daily pill before school so I "didn't drive everyone insane". It's always been a part of who I am, and I accepted that. I certainly never felt bad about it.
Fast forward to the 7th grade, and I switched onto drug that at the time was in clinical trials (Atimoxitine) and I almost immediately lost interest in everything that was life. My mother removed me from the trial, and I decided that I would just not take any medication for a while.
Well a while turned into 15 years. Over that time-span I have come to beleive that I had a handle on all of my ADHD symptoms. My tendency for distraction helps me multi-task and my hyperfocus is my greatest superpower.
But a few weeks ago... all of that started to change. I find myself incredibly restless... I can't sit still at all. Completing tasks at work has become a mental WAR, where literally every couple of minutes I am battling my distractions just to do some data entry. I can't ever find my keys/wallet/phone, I forget what I am doing almost any time I turn around, I can't read an entire paragraph because I keep jumping 20 sentences down, and then 35 up, and then 10 more down and I just give up because it's so frustrating.
I keep running through my mind on things that have changed in my life, to try to identify what is causing this issue. I haven't felt this way since I was a child and I kind of want to cry it's so overwhelming.
There are 2 things I've noticed that have changed.
1.) I stopped playing video games.
This may seem trivial, but I am someone who normally spends a LOT of time playing video games. I have an extensive collection and it's how I spend my free-time and time with my friends. I've been a gamer since as long as I can remember. (Seriously, my FIRST memory I am still in a diaper and playing Super Mario Bros. on our Nintendo NES)
I didn't stop for any reason... I just got involved in a computer project that has taken up all of my free-time for about a year, which a day or two ago I decided I would take a break from because my fiance has pointed out how bad of an obsession it has become.
2.) I moved out of my parents house... finally.
This happened a couple months ago, after a decade of failed attempts.
It's worth noting that over the last 15 years or so that my singular goal in life was to get the hell away from the HORRIBLE people that make up my family. I won't even begin to go into the things that I have gone through with those people at that place...
So, naturally I've been WAY happier than I have ever been recently. I also got engaged in August, and my fiance has moved in with me... Even she has noticed the change. She says it's hard to talk to me (and I don't blame her) because I don't respond to her half the time (I'm too lost in thought about a random thing my cat is doing, or what would happen if a meteor landed outside my apartment, or there is a string on my shirt... )
All these things haven't been problems since I was a child... and I'm hoping someone can shed some insight/opinion on how/why something like this would all of a sudden return.
Please GOD help me... I feel like I've gone crazy.