First day on meds & I'm terrified
I've had problems with ADHD for as long as I can remember and we've been considering meds for a long time but today I finally took my first dose and had my first day- I don't even know what I was expecting but I took a 10mg Adderall capsule in the morning with breakfast and everything was going fine until maybe 45 minutes later I was hit by this wave of indescribable weirdness- literally the only way to describe it would be like those times where you zone out for a minute and then for a few seconds, you get all loopy and forget who you are or what's going on? And then you snap out of it and life goes on?
Anyways I start to feel weirdly disconnected with the world, but at the same time I couldn't focus on anything BUT the world, if that makes any sense. I couldn't think about anything else or zone out or daydream or anything- I was so hyper-observant of everything, and yet my head seemed so much less chaotic- I don't know if this is making any sense whatsoever.
But that feeling of being disconnected and yet so hyper-aware doesn't go away. I couldn't control my thoughts- I had to be in reality at all times, and yet I was having that loopy "disconnect" to reality? I don't know? I was just a mindless, disconnected zombie that could focus really, really well but was feeling so disgusting at the same time even though I was super productive
Anyways, it got to the point where I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because I felt so screwed up and I was wondering if this it what regular people think like or something else and I was thinking that if life was going to be like this how about I just hurl myself off the school roof right now?
It was so indescribably scary because my mind was the one turning against me, also it didn't help that I was starting to think this would never wear off and this is my life now even though I know otherwise?
Now that cloud is wearing off and I'm moody as hell and crying about how scary that felt so yeah... I wouldn't like to do that again, thank you very much?
I'm getting a different dose tomorrow but the doctor people won't tell me if this is normal or not? I really don't want to take the pill again or ever because this was hands down the most scary day of my life